The Bonus Life

Dear Millennial,

I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to write this letter. Reason being, perception; the perception one would have of me after reading it. I had to remind myself that the goal of Letters To a Millennial is to help others realize that they’re not alone. I understand that this letter may not be for everyone, but I’m certain that my thoughts, feelings, and vulnerability will reach someone. So here it goes…

I am a bonus mom.

What exactly does that mean?

I am third in the eyes of a precious little boy because life is complicated, and society tells a child that there should be two; one mommy and one daddy.

I am first in the eyes of my husband because I’m committed to growing a precious boy into a great man with him, regardless of the obstacles.

I am loved by the innocence of a child, but not yet seen by the innocence of a child.

I am tough because the world won’t always be kind to my precious boy; preparation for survival is key.

I am mushy because watching my precious boy grow as much as I have since first meeting him has been an indescribable experience.

I am compared because I could never take a mother’s place, and I accept that.

I am challenged because I realize I have to be impactful & bring value to his life in a way that may not already exist.

I am flexible because it makes life a little easier when taking various schedules into consideration daily.

I am a team player because we’re all in this with one goal in mind (him).

I am neutral because we can’t all be right all the time; a sound mind is needed when the going gets tough.

I am forgiving because we all say things we don’t mean, and we all have bad days/seasons in life.

I am faithful because although this assignment is mentally, physically and emotionally tough, my faith tells me that God won’t give me more than I can bear (He must think I’m a pretty tough cookie).

I am patient because I realize that my relationship with my precious boy will always be a work in progress, and I know we will only grow stronger.

I am selfless because I realize that some life events require mommy, daddy and that precious boy…without me… and that’s ok.

I am hopeful because I know that if I continue pursuing the assignment I’ve been given, when the time is right, I will be seen, heard and felt through the eyes of that precious boy because he sees my heart.

I am a cheerleader because sometimes co-parenting is tough for everyone. Nonetheless,  we ALL have to push forward TOGETHER.

I don’t look back because we’re here; we’ve all signed up for this. Period.

There is so much to being a bonus mom. It’s a mix of emotions, a whirlwind of experiences, and constant learning/growth. My hope is that this letter is received in the way that it was written because I’m being honest.

You may not currently be a bonus parent.. you may never be a bonus parent.. or maybe you are, but your experience differs from mine. Whatever the case may be, be sure to embrace the journey. Prioritize what’s most important, and be the best version of yourself for you and that child; it will make you both better.

-Millennial Jas